Joseph: Instant Gratification vs Forgiveness

Parashat Vayigash, Genesis 44:18 - 47:27

Rachel Martins, Tikvat Israel, Richmond, VA

What is true forgiveness? What does forgiveness look like and how can it bring about reconciliation?

As a mother to two small boys, teaching empathy and forgiveness can be a challenge when their sweet little minds are fueled by the need for instant gratification. “I want that toy now!” “I want cookies for dinner!” “That’s mine—give it back now!” No matter the circumstance, they want what they want, now.

But how much more do we as adults wrestle with this same selfish drive for instant gratification?

In today’s world, everything demands instant gratification. How can we detach from this mindset when every piece of technology, from television ads to social media, is designed to make us crave and obtain what we want immediately (or with two-day free shipping)?

The idea of a long process toward a distant goal feels daunting unless we’re rewarded along the way. What happened to perseverance—to enduring hardship so that, when we look back, we can see how much stronger we’ve become because of it? Why do we run from the internal struggles that surface as we push toward a goal? We tell ourselves, “It’s not worth it unless I get it right now. Why can’t it just be easy?”

In last week’s parasha, Miketz, we saw the end of Joseph’s trials and persecution in prison. Through perseverance, he rose to become second to Pharaoh, preparing Egypt for the coming famine. One can only imagine the thoughts that plagued Joseph’s mind during those long years behind bars. Yet Hashem was faithful to him, granting him favor in the eyes of the prison commander. Even so, he was forgotten by his fellow prisoners the cupbearer and the baker after interpreting their dreams.

Now, standing before his brothers in this week’s parasha, Joseph faced a choice. What instant gratification could Joseph have gotten in avenging his pain now? Joseph could have retaliated against his brothers for hating him, throwing him into an abandoned well, and selling him into slavery. And yet, he chose the opposite. How quickly this story could have changed had Joseph allowed anger and hatred to poison his heart. Instead of giving in to the temptation of revenge, he looked upon his brothers with compassion and empathy, because he had learned to fully trust Hashem and His ultimate plan.

In resisting the Now gratification Joseph responded to his brothers and said;

“I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?” But his brothers were unable to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence. Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed or angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing or reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.” (Gen  45:3–8)

What a powerful, selfless act—shown by a man who had every reason to return the rejection his brothers once showed him. Instead of the Now gratification of revenge, Joseph saw Hashem’s greater plan.

The Apostle Paul reminds us of this plan in Romans 8:28:

Now we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.

The plan that Joseph’s brothers had to destroy him, Hashem used for His greater plan and purpose. How can we not also wait to see and trust in the Lord and persevere through the hardship to see His perfect plan? Yeshua also physically displayed this empathy as He hung on the cross, paying the price for our sins with love and compassion. He prayed: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Instead of instant gratification of the Now, how can we step back and trust in Hashem as He instructs us? 

Trust in Adonai with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Prov 3:5-6)

May we find rest in Hashem’s perfect timing, His restoration, and His purpose for our lives through Yeshua the Messiah. And may we learn to respond to others with empathy and love—choosing forgiveness over the fleeting satisfaction of Now.

All Scripture references are from the Tree of Life Version, TLV.